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Philosophical Ramblings on Marriage Costs, Commitment and Community

Disclaimer: This is somewhat of a philosophical article. [embed]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/29/Metters_rope_serpentine_vtm.jpg[/embed]This past Saturday (October 11, 2014) my lovely wife was sitting on the couch reading her Facebook feed, while I was watching a football game. When she let out a cute little laugh, that invited my attention.

I asked what she was reading and it seems that someone had shared an article from the huffingtonpost.com entitled, "What the Cost of Your Engagement Ring May Say About Your Marriage." She then asked what her engagement ring cost. In case you read the article, I was in the recommended range when adjusted for CPI inflation.

Yes, I took time to track down the article and original source article. Not that I don't trust Facebook for my research. Why, I don't know. Curious, maybe. Have done a couple of premarital counseling session, crossed my mind. Both son's married within the past year, possibly. Hopeless romantic, I think i will go with that one.

In the Huffington Post article by Taryn Hillin, who is the Associate Editor for Huffington Post Wedding and Huffington Post Divorce. She does a great job in summing up the original research. She concludes two main finding and in both it would seem that you can spend two much on an engagement ring and your wedding. It would seem that contrary to the Debear's Diamond ad, less might actually be better.

Needless to say, it is an interesting article. But to her list of two main finding I would add one additional finding. Hillin states, "But don't call off your large nuptials just yet. The researchers found that having more guests -- not spending more money -- led to longer marriages, as did having a honeymoon (even an inexpensive one!)" I think this should also be added to the major conclusion of the research.

Interesting. Then down in the comments, something which I don't normally read, I found this insightful comment by Toby Chapman. After he describe what he calls the "Vegas jinx", he makes this statement, "That also goes to what the ceremony is about for the participants. Is it something where you want to proclaim your lifelong commitment before everybody you know, or is it more like a party, a form of entertainment, to get some kind of rush. A rush wears off. Sure the honeymoon should be fun to start things right, but the ceremony is about honoring other relationships too, and linking two circles of people."

"Linking circles of people", what a great image. I think I will have to use it the next time I have opportunity to do a wedding. It reminded me of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. A pass that is often use in a Christian wedding service to speak of life lived together. It is a beautiful passage, that end with a cord of three strands is not easily broken. Which in my faith system, I attribute to being God woven into the bond.

As a child I had the opportunity to make a rope with my grandfather. He had a machine, homemade of course, that consisted of a board of hooks and another board of hooks attached to gears that twisted three strands together and then twisted three sets of three together. Finally, twisting the sets of three into a larger rope made of the sets. Beginning to sound like generations wrapped together.

Maybe there is something to what the Bible about after all. Something that is philosophical, yet deeply practical. For you see the verses that we don't read in the wedding from Ecclesiastes 4 is verse 7-8 when see an individual who labors just for themselves, not satisfied with riches. alone.

Finally, some personal observations.  It would seem to me that marriage is a good thing between three unique cords, even in this age of confusion. It would seem to me that a marriage that includes a committed couple, who are tightly interwoven with God is a relationship not easily broken. Finally, a couple interwoven with God, woven into a larger loving family is more of a rope than a cord.  Finally, more time should be spent on deepening commitments, developing relationships with family and friends and looking long term over diamond size and wedding glitz.

With that I think I will go and visit my son's and their wives....

My "Go To" Resouces

“We”, Is No Longer Good Enough